My Little Portal: rewrite
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Major AU! What if Twilight wasn't the only one who believed in Nightmare Moon's return? What if he believed not in an ancient relics, but SCIENCE! How would thinks pan out that fateful sunset celebration?


**My Little Portal: rewrite**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

**SUMMARY:**  
**On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

**The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Long ago, back before Equestria, before the rule of the two sisters, before the unification of the three tribes, before even the three tribes were formed...there was Grogar.

Yes, all ponies were enslaved by the seemingly unstoppable and equally wicked necromancer goat. His cruelty and depravity was the stuff of legend and all attempts to overthrow him meet with miserable failure...

except...

At fist glance Solomon Johnson wasn't much to look at, just another impoverished pony slave. But he was determined to free his people. True; he lacked leadership skills, loyal followers, charisma, magical powers, he was not very strong and no had no real resources aside from the clothes on his back...

But that was fine; after all all the other would-be liberators had the opposite in spades...and STILL failed miserably...

More importantly, Solomon knew this as well...

For that was his strength, although he didn't had what the others had...he had something they didn't...he was clever.

Not to say that those who came before him weren't smart...simply unimaginative. Solomon watched as time after time; frontal assaults, assassination, poison, curses, honey traps- you name it -failed to get the better of Grogar.

And in between mass-whippings of the entire pony population, he came to the conclusion that 'conventional' means of usurping just wouldn't cut it. Grogar clearly had a plan for every tried and true method to bring down a dictator...

No, clearly...a more unorthodox- something that had never been tried before and therefore never thought to be countered, can't counter something if you don't know it exists after all -would have to be the way to go...

So armed with nothing but his wits, love of a good game, and some pretty good pastry cooking skills...he forged a plan.

First making some exceptional delicious crumpets from the rather meager possessions he could find in his dank hole in the ground, he then invents a game called the Shangri-La shuffle. He sets up in the middle of the slave pit and offers the crumpets as reward for beating him.

The game is interesting and becomes fairly popular rather quickly. And although Solomon was fairly good he lost as many times as he won, so the delicious crumpets became even more popular.

Naturally this eventually got the attention of the Trog guards, they tried tried their hand at it and found the game and the crumpets a delight as well!

One of the Trog Captains- always eager for a promotion -decided to take Solomon and give him as a gift to Grogar during his upcoming 1,000th anniversary of ruling celebration.

Grogar found Solomon, his game, and his crumpets amusing. And happily allowed him to keep playing during the celebration. At the height of the celebration and Grogar was truly giddy from all the wine. Solomon suggested a match between him and the overgoat. If he won, he'd give him the recipe for the crumpets. But if Solomon, Grogar must swear on his life and magic to grant him three wishes.

Heavy with liquor and overconfidence the necromancer Supreme heartily agreed. After all, if his idiot Trogs could best this fool half the time, he should have no problem!

However, as the game began...Grogar quickly realized he'd been snookered! For all this time Solomon had only pretended to be average at the game! Grogar tried to retaliate, but the early lead had already allowed Solomon to already secure the 'safe' number...and soon Grogar for all his brilliance...LOST.

Faced with the consequence of losing his power and life due to his oath...he's forced to give him the wishes...

1\. All ponies will forever be free of his rule and command.

2\. Grogar and all he commands must forever leave Equestria and the world it sits in, sealing themselves forever in the dark realm of Tamberlan, NEVER to return...

3\. Grogar must grant him the gift of Wisdom. Of knowledge both hidden and obscure. Both divine and demonic. Of worlds far beyond this one

Frothing at the mouth after hearing the first two...a vindictive Grogar happily granted the third...he gave him so much knowledge...poor Solomon's mind broke and become naught but an insane fool to spend the rest of his days among the wild animals...

It is only after banishing himself...that a furious Grogar would realize he'd once again been tricked!

Solomon KNEW that Grogar would want revenge, so he deliberately gave a bad wish to backfire. Grogar was so busy cursing Solomon...he forgot to do likewise to the rest of Ponykind! He'd sacrificed his sanity to allow Ponykind to have a chance at a new life!

Despite his insanity, Solomon managed to have an heir before he died...sadly...he too seemed to have a bit of his fathers curse of madness...and caused much trouble in his misguided attempts to 'help' others...

With each generation, Johnson's descendants continued to cause problems through their insane stupidity.

Over time, Solomon's sacrifice was almost completely forgotten in the infamy of his kith and kin.

Methuselah Johnson's creation of the Uber Wendigo...

Nicholas Flamel Johnson's siding with Discord against the Alicorn sisters...

Eclipsa Johnson's 'Reign of terror'...

This lead to their family being banished from Equestria many times...the more recent banishment was Bloody Stupid Johnson's 'campaign' seventy years ago...in fairness, the efforts of both himself and his company- aperture Science..._indirectly,_ saw a golden age of science and enlightenment. Not to long ago, we were still using Stallion drawn carts...now there's talk of a space program!

"Then why'd he get banished?" Asked a filly Twilight to her mentor Princess Celestia as she told this story...

Princess Celestia sighed... "He...committed high treason against someone I loved dearly...I had to..." She trailed off sadly...

Twilight smiled, "Okay, if he upset you that means he's bad!" She said simply.

Celestia gave her a weary smile, "No my child...not evil...just stupid...there's a difference..."

As Twilight began to excitedly ponder how she could experiment to discover this 'difference'...Celestia tried very hard not to cry in front of her surrogate daughter...

_"Oh, Bloody Stupid Johnson...why did you do it?" _She thought to herself sadly...

...Meanwhile...

Far away...Wheately Johnson was once more rummaging through the trash...he sighs and looks up at the moon...he never knew why...but there was something about the mare in the moon that always made him so happy...yet sad as well...

He whips his rainbow curly locks out of his eye irritated...then goes back for rummaging for parts to repair his-

**CRASH!**

-well repair his spine...after this trash can stops getting crushed by carriages...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
**But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


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